The Get Healthy Tampa Bay Podcast

E87: A Deep Dive into Family-Centric Lifestyle Medicine with Dr. Wendy Schofer

• Kerry Reller

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Welcome to the Get Healthy Tampa Bay Podcast with Dr. Kerry Reller! This week, I am joined by Dr. Wendy Schofer, a pediatrician and lifestyle physician who brings a unique family-focused approach to healthcare. In this episode, we delve into the transformation of pediatric care through lifestyle medicine and coaching, exploring how families can create healthier environments at home. Dr. Schofer shares her insights on connecting with children and parents to foster lasting health changes without resorting to quick fixes. Tune in to discover effective strategies for building healthier family habits and understanding the emotional dynamics that influence our health choices.

Dr. Wendy Schofer is a pediatrician, lifestyle physician, retired Navy physician, and a lifelong Navy spouse dedicated to empowering families through emotional and behavioral health. With a passion for transforming pediatric care, Wendy focuses on helping parents cultivate a nurturing environment at home without relying on diets or prescriptive health regimes. Her unique approach encourages families to experiment with healthy habits that are sustainable and supportive for children and adults alike.

Wendy's medical career is complemented by her commitment as a lifestyle coach, where she integrates the nuances of emotional well-being with physical health. She challenges the traditional medical model by partnering directly with families to explore personalized strategies that promote long-term health in their everyday environments. Whether through one-on-one consultations or community workshops, Wendy's work is dedicated to fostering healthier family dynamics and reinforcing the joy in holistic well-being.

0:29 - Introduction and Guest Background
0:48 - Beyond the Pediatrician Label: Identity and Connection
2:00 - Exploring the Toolbox of Coaching Certifications
3:10 - From Traditional Pediatrics to a Holistic Family Approach
7:48 - The Shift to Lifestyle Medicine and Family Coaching
10:24 - Lifestyle Medicine in Urgent Care Settings
15:22 - Building Healthier Family Environments
20:32 - Addressing Family Nutrition and Electronics Use
28:53 - Slowing Down to Understand Family Health Dynamics
36:10 - Final Thoughts and How to Connect with Dr. Schofer

Connect with Dr. Wendy
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wendyschofermd
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wendyschofermd
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@UCGCkOsK4LFgTVGR_RsGqIaA 
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendy-schofer-md-735b948/
Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/family-in-focus-with-wendy-schofer-md/id1571510508

Connect with Dr. Kerry Reller
Podcast website: https://gethealthytbpodcast.buzzsprou... 
My linktree: linktr.ee/kerryrellermd
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ClearwaterFamilyMedicine
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clearwaterfamilymedicine/
Clearwater Family Medicine and Allergy website: https://sites.google.com/view/clearwa...
Podcast: https://gethealthytbpodcast.buzzsprou... 

Subscribe to the Get Healthy Tampa Bay Podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify, Amazon music, iheartradio, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Pandora.

Kerry:

All right. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the Get Healthy Tampa Bay podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Kerry Reller and today we have Dr. Wendy Schofer. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for being here today and taking time out of your day to be with us. I always like to have my guests kind of give us a little intro of who you are and what you do.

Wendy:

Hmm, you know, this is always my challenge now. It's like, okay, the introduction, I love my new introduction. How about this? So hi, I am a woman who just loves connections over coffee or apparently ice water today, long walks with my two dogs and really the sound of laughter. I just love the sound of laughter so very much. So go figure I'm a pediatrician. But I've been practicing over the past couple of years, like, how do I share so much more about who I am and not my professional role, you know, what kind of box people, and I have historically put myself into but I'm a, I'm a pediatrician. I'm a lifestyle physician. I am a retired Navy physician, lifelong navy spouse. And I am also a coach. So taking conversations outside of the medical office about really connecting with families about what's important to them and how to raise a healthy whole family.

Kerry:

Yeah, I love that. I did read you had a couple of coaching certifications. Is that correct? Okay.

Wendy:

Yeah. You know, it's kind of like in medicine, we've got a bunch of different tools in our toolboxes. Yeah. Got a bunch of different tools in my coaching toolbox from life coaching and health coaching and feminist coaching, which I got to tell you, totally tripped my husband up. He's like, what? I'm like, trust me, it's more tools. He's like, what does this mean? I'm like, I'm still the same person I was before I had this honey, being able to expand. And I think a lot of that is helping the feminist coaching it kind of check a lot of preconceived notions that I've taken with me, especially from medicine, learning about the hierarchy, which is all a medical training. We were like indoctrinated in all of it. So so many different aspects that get to come out and yeah, it's all just a part of the mix.

Kerry:

That would definitely be something very interesting to hear about as well. But I think, I guess what we were going to kind of focus on was your like full family approach to how you manage your pediatric patients and basically the whole family health. So how did you get into this? Like you were traditional pediatrician and then, then what?

Wendy:

It's funny as soon as you say traditional, I'm like, I don't think anything was traditional you

Kerry:

traditional were you? Yeah. I realized after I said it, that wasn't right.

Wendy:

No, no, no. I just, I, I recognize the words that I'm always like, Hmm, that's an interesting one for me. So yeah, I mean, I was in a traditional practice and I would say that, you know, I love connecting with families. I love seeing kids growing up over the years, following with them over time. And so I tended to really collect, if you will, families that I could follow with them for growth and behavior and mental health. And, you know, just kind of, that was what I wanted to do. I wasn't so much interested in the quick visits. I wanted the ongoing conversations. And I found that we were having more and more conversations about weight. You know, where is my child on the growth chart? You know, what's changing here? What do we need to do? And I was like, I got you. We, we totally know what to do here. I would, you know, listen to the concerns, look at the growth chart kind of translate that for the parents and then kind of make up a plan, you know, this is how you eat, this is how you move. This is how much sweat, how many minutes you know, looking at sleep and write out a plan. And then I say to families, nothing changes overnight. I'll see you in three to six months. Let's see what's happening and God bless them. They came back, they would come back and they would tell me that's not working. You know, this isn't working for us. I don't like to exercise, go figure. My kid doesn't like to exercise. We're having food fights. I'm finding candy wrappers under the bed. Like all the things and they're like, this plan doesn't work for us. We're failing. I'm failing. And so I'm just receiving all of this. And I kept on hearing it over and over again. And I was also facing my own kind of struggles with the same thing at home, having the food fights and nobody wants to get out off the couch. And Going outside for a walk is miserable. All these things that are coming up. I'm like, there's gotta be a different way. Like there's something else that I'm missing here. And at the same time that all of this was kind of coming up was when I was really introduced to the concept of lifestyle medicine, as far as like the things that we do outside of the medical office that really impact our health. So again, looking at Food looking at our food choices, looking at our movement, looking at sleep, our connections, our social connections. And yet I was like, okay, I'm not trying to switch one prescription, one plan for another. There's still like, this is what I've been doing, but there's something missing. And that was conveniently at a time when I was experiencing burnout myself. And kind of feeling like I was being ineffective in the office. And I learned this language of what I call the language of coaching, understanding so much more about our perspectives, the things that work for us, our emotions, even just the concept that, you know, so many things that we do, like basically everything that we do is because of an emotion, one that we think we're going to feel when we, you Whether I feel like this workout is going to be miserable. So go figure, I don't want to go and do it. Or I think that I'm going to feel really strong after I'm doing it. So I, it's more likely that I'm going to go and do it. So just looking at that, I was like, Oh, hold on a minute. There's so much more to this conversation than me just saying, this is what you need to do. There's more about understanding what's getting in the way and helping people understand you're not broken. Okay. It's not that there's something that needs to be fixed, but maybe we can understand a little bit more about what's already working and how to make it work for you.

Kerry:

I mean, I already think what you said was most people weren't even doing that. Like you said, you're writing out prescriptions for sleep and movement and nutrition. Like you're already going the extra mile. And yet it is still, like you said, kind of not as effective as one would hope. So people are coming back to you. So, I mean, most, I don't think pediatricians would be doing that in the first place. And that was before you saying that you were getting into this lifestyle medicine and coaching, right?

Wendy:

I mean, everybody's doing it the way, you know, based off of their background, their expierence what they

Kerry:

Mm-Hmm. Mm-Hmm.

Wendy:

see is working and, you know, it was just ingrained in my head. This is what works. These are the answers, but they weren't the answers for kind of like the boots on the ground in real life, knowing something saying, this is the textbook answer doesn't translate into that's what works for our family. And I think that's, I don't know, I guess that that's one of the biggest things that I'm kind of like messing around in, in my kind of wording, as far as describing, like knowing what to do versus actually just living it out loud. Like there's something in between, there's so many rules. Like, this is what it needs to look like. This is what you need to do. And this is where the little, resistant teenager comes out. And I'm like, according to whom are you telling me what to do? Cause I'm going to tell you where to go. Like, there's a lot of resistance that we have and that's normal too. We are just really big, overgrown teenagers. We all are.

Kerry:

Yeah. Well, absolutely. I can find it in myself when I'm getting frustrated with my kids, I'm just like wanting to say things back that you, you know, eh, you know, you are what about am I? That kind of stuff. And it sounds ridiculous, but yeah. So how do you, how do you I guess approach, you know, working with your patients, clients or whatever you wanna call them where do you begin or how do they find you even.

Wendy:

you know, It, it all depends. There's many roads that lead here.

Kerry:

Yeah.

Wendy:

So I am still in clinical practice. And so this is not something that's exclusively on the community. And I use this approach in my clinical practice and it's just listening to families, like what are they struggling with right now? What is their perspective and not looking at it from the perspective of this is how you fix it, but maybe we can just kind of understand a little bit more. Why is this so important? Why is this such a struggle right now? And I use that in the office all the time. Now I got to admit, like today I'm going to work in urgent care. I use this approach in pediatric urgent care as well. And so it's not something where it's just for, you know, my days in primary care pediatrics we can have these conversations all along the way. And so, as someone was asking me before about being a lifestyle medicine physician in urgent care, I'm like, yes, we are everywhere

Kerry:

Mm-Hmm.

Wendy:

the more that we share that this approach is something, you know, that. We can look at how our lives impact our health, how the choices that we make really impact our lives. And I think so much of the, the other thing that I can offer in urgent care is that connection with another human, you know, when we're all, nobody comes to see me on their, you know, best day. By definition, it's urgent care, you know, but just making that human connection. And then just listening, what is it that's bothering you? What is it that you're struggling with? What is it that you want to change in your life, your health, your family? And then I just listen more than anything, because I think we've been taught so much that you need to go and change. there's something that needs to be fixed. And I think there's so much just healing and connection that opens up just by being there and just kind of receiving it. And so I, I don't know, I I've really been struck by a number of things lately that clients have been telling me. And it was actually something where a mom told me that she was using these tools at home, like just listening to her kids. And she had a child that was like, nothing helps, nothing helps. And he was having a meltdown. And so she sat down and just was with him. And she's like, I did nothing because he told me nothing helps. And I was like, you totally were listening to him like he was actually telling you right along the way. So this is where it kind of translates into, you know, behavioral health as well. And supporting through a lot of emotions, a lot of the things that we're facing as families. But I think ultimately, you know, outside of the pediatric office, you know, I have my family and focus program. And so reaching out going to different health fairs, community events in my area in Virginia, the Hampton Roads area, Virginia. As well as, you know, my own podcast and doing a lot of educational sessions and reaching out to families that way. I think it's really about meeting families where they are, you know, whatever that may be, wherever, however, virtual, in person.

Kerry:

Yeah. So I guess in your community, I mean, that's a great way to educate and you know, opportunities to educate everybody in that area. And I mean, how do you help them take what you're providing with them home?

Wendy:

There's a lot of things where, you know, we get to meet up in person if they're here locally or else we can work virtually. And there's just a lot of tools that we use about, you know, borrowing tools from cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm not doing therapy, but these are great tools that work where we're looking at that connection between our perspectives. And our emotions, and then how that impacts all of the different behaviors and the actions that we have. And when families start looking at that, it's always starting with the parent understanding how this is working in their lives. And then they can start modeling for their kids. What it is they want to share. So one of the key things about my work with families is that it always starts with me working with the parent. A lot of times parents will say, I have concerns about my child's weight. I want you to work with him. Like We're going to work together first, because it's really about creating that environment, creating an environment for kids to thrive, which I think is really contrasting with the approach that I had years ago in the medical office where, when we identify concerns what do we do? Well, I mean, you have to put down the diagnosis, you kind of make the label and then you make the referral. Okay. Well, this is the problem and I'm going to send you somewhere, which can be really helpful. And yet it can also open the door for folks to, and specifically for kids to internalize a message of there's something wrong with me. I'm broken, something needs to be fixed. And so that's where shame starts coming in, which does not help anything with health whatsoever. And so that's where I was starting to shift to, well, how can we create an environment to understand how, you know, we talk so much like Dr. Becky says all the time about how everybody's doing the best that they can. Our kids are always doing the best that they can given their situation, given their environment, well, how can we just kind of create an environment for them to maybe do a little differently? It's switching the environment, not switching the kid.

Kerry:

And what are some ways on improving the environment for them?

Wendy:

Yeah. so I think that there's a number of things. One is creating structure. So like a foundation of structure there's a lot of things in our environment. One of the first things that comes to mind is with electronics because they are everywhere. Just like food. I mean, you think about our environment right now, electronics and food are everywhere. And so go figure that it is. You know, they are both really big topics as far as my kid is really drawn to these all of the time and both of them have been engineered for us to want it more. We get a big bang for the buck whenever we use it, you start getting into the conversations about the dopamine and the reward that we get. Well, what kind of environment does your child need, what would work for your family to be able to make that so that they don't need to go and use that electronic? Like, what does it look like? Cause families will talk all the time. Like when, when we put it away, my child gets upset because you know, we don't have access to the electronics and then my real child comes out. after a day or so, it's like, they kind of calm down and we get to interact so much more the way that we did before we had all these electronics. It's like, ah, what are you learning there? And so it's not me coming in and saying, you got to lock up the electronics. You got to limit this. You got to, you know. Put it all away, turn everything off. It's kind of learning about what works in your family, how it is that you can try that on and see, okay, there's another side here. There's another aspect that I get to re engage with my child when there's less electronics. How can I do this and make it fit in my family? If I come in and just quote all of the recommendations from all the specialists everywhere, the first thing that I hear is, well, that doesn't work for our family. These are all the exceptions. And because I mean, we are all unique, you know, our families are unique, but what does work? We do the same thing with food, trying to figure out like, how does this work? How do I create that, that environment around food? And for some folks are like, yeah, there's just certain foods we don't bring into the household. We just don't do that. Those are our special occasions. We go out and you know, we can have ice cream, but we don't have it in our house. That's just one option to create an environment, but it's just trying to figure out, well, how can we approach this for the whole family and not make it about one person?

Kerry:

Yeah, well, I can definitely relate to some of those things. Like, I feel like when my kids are exposed to their tablet or something like that, they get really addicted. But when we have a time where we're not using it as much, the creativity that they start having and the engagement with each other and us is just so much more impactful. It's impressive. So creating the environment is definitely really important. And you even mentioned, like, not bringing certain foods in the home that we plan it and go out for it experience out of the family. Right. Is definitely a good approach to that as well. How do you, how do you expect them to navigate when they're exposed to some of these things like when it's out of parental control?

Wendy:

There's a lot of things that are outside of our control

Kerry:

Yes.

Wendy:

to control it all. I mean, I think just. That resonates so much with me because I think that was my big thing. I was like, how do I control it? I want to be able to make the master plan. And then, you know, seeing the treats that come into school and my kids that, you know, want to go off and they want to play sports specifically for the treats. Because, you know, all the other families, they weren't down with the orange slices thing. They were like Capri sun and full size candy and all this kind of stuff. And. I've got some kids that are like, okay, I will now sign up. What do the treats look like? And I think that that's really a thing. And it's like, we, we can't control all of it. You know, what is the environment that you control? But where is your kind of zone of influence to be able to create an environment? And what else is just beyond what it is that we have an immediate control and impact on, I really keep on picturing. And for those that are listening to the audio my hands are always working in kind of like creating these concentric circles. Cause I really think it's about having a ripple effect. really looking at, you know, we could discuss if there's a child at the middle or if it's like the family, but you know, just kind of going outward, what is it that we're creating this impact and it's rippling outward as well, parents at the very core of it, our actions, the way that we create an environment for our family to thrive, it ripples outward.

Kerry:

I think it's so funny you bring up the whole your kids going to sign up for the snacks thing because this is something that we deal with big time in our family and in our community as well. I feel like one of my well not one of my kids. They all just want to you know participate for the snacks it's, it's such a hard thing to deal with that's for sure. Yeah.

Wendy:

I've tried, there's a lot of like, you know, bigger like we can change, you know, cultural approaches we can definitely kind of be that subversive one that's like, hey, I'm not doing this I'm going to do it differently. And I mean there are different ways that we can approach this. I'm just highlighting that. I've noticed how much frustration that I've had when I'm like, I'm trying to control it all the irritation and just how it kind of wears on me. And then it's like, I'm trying to argue against everything else versus. Still looking at what is it that I can influence. So I got to tell you, I have been the mom has been like, yep. And when I'm sponsoring it, this is what the treats look like. I'm supporting, the soccer board members that are coming out and saying, Hey, we need to have healthy snacks on the field and really looking at supporting from that health and all policies type of approach that has really been ingrained into my brain. Like, how can I do this? And my kids still make fun of me, and I'm okay with that because I will take in oh, I got to show you a picture of I have a fruit bowl that I love taking in for any kind of like school snack, whatever, you know, parents are supposed to contribute. And it's a whole bunch of grapes and then two bananas coming up that I slice, you know, the, the end of it. And basically they just look like dolphins, dolphins coming out of water. I'm having fun with food and they make so much fun of me, my kids, because they're like, taking the dolphins again. I said, they are a hit. They are totally a hit and they're like, well, this is a place where it's all cookies and all crackers and you know, all the different things. I'm like, you know what? Somebody somewhere is looking for this. And inevitably my bowl comes home empty, it is well received. And so it's just. I don't know. I guess I'm, I'm being a little subversive, just, I'm sharing, this is my approach creating an environment that's around me wherever I go. I'm sharing that too.

Kerry:

Yeah, I mean, it's important to bring in these healthier items to these big functions where you know that there isn't going to be great options for anybody. And of course, everybody, I think, would appreciate it in the end. But it's hard for the kids to see that, I'm sure. And then I was thinking there's some like peer pressure, even between the parents of like the snacks that they bring. Sometimes they are always trying to bring in the best snacks and like you mentioned, I just typically I'm trying to bring in something healthy, but then theres the peer pressure because the kids aren't going to eat anything. I brought because I'm not good. So it's really hard to navigate those kind of things. I think You mentioned something about like micro environments. Can you tell me about that?

Wendy:

Well, I mean, sometimes when I talk about creating environments it kind of goes right to, okay, hold on what does this look like on a huge scale? And I got to make a whole lot of changes. And again, my hands are going to that whole. Going out ripple effect type of thing. Like the micro environment just starts right here with me. Like, what is it that I want to just experiment with just making a little bit of a, of a change. It changes my environment. And what does that look like? I'll use the example. Like I noticed my love hate relationship with electronics. I have the same thing. Like, it's not like somebody is immune from this. So I recognize how I still struggle with electronics and my phone and scrolling, and even making the decision that I was going to plug my phone in at my desk and not have it around now, you and I were talking about travel and things. My family has been scattered around the world this summer. And so I keep on thinking I need to be around my phone. It needs to be around me so that if they need to reach me, whatever time zone they're on, they can do that. And of course, I'm using this as an excuse to just scroll in bed. Like, let's talk about this. And so creating an environment, a micro environment, a micro change of, I'm going to plug it in on my desk, best night of sleep. Like I was just like, whatever, I'm just going to turn off the lights. I'm not scrolling before bed. My brain just kind of shut down. And so the micro environment is just part of making those little tiny changes. Right here for me, and then seeing how it builds out from there.

Kerry:

Yeah, I like that. That's really interesting approach as well. Okay. So you help like the family, right? How do you help parents who might be struggling with their own weight or health concerns? And they're worried about passing these things on to kids.

Wendy:

I think that that right there is the connection. It's a lot of that fear that we have in parenting. Like I'm afraid of passing this on. I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing. I, you know, I'm afraid of being stuck between like introducing diet culture stuff or, you know, potentially bringing in like disordered eating type of stuff. And so there's a lot of fear. That we're experiencing as parents and so a lot of the help is first just listening Like where is it that you're coming from? Introducing compassion, you know, and we do different exercises about you know, how can I bring in compassion for myself? For what it is that I've experienced for what it is that I'm afraid of we move on to taking action, it's really slowing things down. I mean, we, we are naturally programmed to try to identify a problem and fix it. It's just how we survive. So it's part of our hardwiring, but a lot of times we get into this action. And so a lot of times that would look like, you know, I need to change things for my family. I need to create a different plan. I need to change up all the food, but if we don't first understand Where that's coming from, we're not really addressing those fears. We're just thinking that we can create all these plans to make a difference. And we are still as parents living in fear of where this is going to be going over time. And so we slow things down. That's where it's working, you know, with parents to really understand about what are those, what are those concerns? What is it that I'm nervous about? Look at it. Like, what is it that I actually want to create for an environment? What is, what is the environment that I could have used when I was growing up? And then what is it that I want to create for my kids? It's shifting the conversation a little bit. It's slowing it down. Definitely understanding where we're coming from and a lot of times. So I had a mom that I was just talking with last week who said, just by slowing this down and a lot of the work that we do is understanding emotions like what is the discomfort, that I don't want to feel and. How am I using electronics or foods to avoid those discomforts? And she said, I started trying that on at home to really understand why I use food the way I, you know, use it. I just want to feel better at the end of the day. I'm really tired. I'm really frustrated. And she said, once I could see that connection that I'm using food to avoid that discomfort. And so we had been talking about learning how to feel her emotions. She said, I've been losing weight. So. This had been something since April, and she was just quoting the amount of weight. And I don't go around quoting weight because that's just not my deal with that. But she said that she had lost weight and she was able to model this for her daughter, not to lose weight, but for her daughter to start feeling more comfortable with her own choices, specifically with, what she was seeing when she was looking in the mirror, how she was talking about her body, and it's just slowing things down. It's slowing down, it's feeling the emotions, it's understanding so much of what we do is because we either want to feel a certain way or we want to avoid feeling that discomfort anymore, whatever that discomfort looks like.

Kerry:

So what do you mean by slowing down? You have them like, think about why they're actually having these thoughts or why they think they want to be using the food, like labeling their emotions or what, how would you expand on that?

Wendy:

So what often happens is we kind of identify, like, say a parent comes in and says, I'm 40 pounds overweight I don't want that to, be a struggle that my kids have, you know, I'm looking at their eating habits and I'm worried about that. And so instantly, our traditional approach is to say, okay, what is it that I need to fix here? I need to fix my weight. I need to fix my child's eating habits, like just kind of like, what are the problems? What I mean by slowing down is to first start understanding what's behind this. Why is this important? Look at the patterns. We talk so much about the patterns. What are the patterns that you're seeing in your child's eating? I'm not labeling it as a problem, but just like, what are the patterns? So we can start understanding so much more. The slowing down is getting curious and kind of stepping back just a little bit to look at those patterns that are kind of over overlapping each other, kind of pull them apart a little bit. It's asking them to maybe take different perspectives. Maybe look at it from their perspective, their child's perspective, what it is that they think that they may be experiencing, or what kind of messages their child may be receiving and slowing it down. Because as soon as we get into the, this is the problem, I need to fix it we kind of put on the blinders and we're like, that's all I can see. So slowing down means trying to take off the the blinders to try to look a little bit more in a bigger picture. And to not get right into the action of fix, fix, fix, but to understand a little bit more of what's going on behind the scenes, it's very individual. Because I feel like I want to give you like, and this is the process. These are the steps. It's very individual to be able to understand what it is that, you know, a parent has for their concerns, you know, where they're coming from their own weight. Their own, you know, eating habits, their own stressors. And then what it is that they're seeing in their child. And every single time I've heard different stories, like it's not something that I can say, and this is, you know, the same thing from this family to that family, there's themes that are very similar, but I think that that's really the thing about, you know, you talk about the art of medicine and really seeing what it is that this individual needs, how I can apply this knowledge, these tools, medicine and, you know, all the background that we have as physicians to this patient, it's the same thing with these coaching conversations to understand more about, well, where is it that, this individual is coming from, what are the different aspects that all they're seeing right now is the weight. they're letting the scale, kind of tell them whether they're succeeding or not. And that's just that's a part of our culture that we've been receiving all these messages about what health success looks like. Well, let's explore a little bit. That's what's slowing down. It's, it's exploring.

Kerry:

Okay. Have you seen it where maybe the child is the one that's concerned about like inheriting the traits from the parents?

Wendy:

So let me think here. I get to tell you, so my conversations are very, very much with parents. I'm actually trying to think, have I ever had a child that was one that was like, you know, this is what's happening in my family. And No, I can't think of anyone that that's come in that way. Now I've had families that we have a conversation together about the concerns that the child has. But usually those concerns sound like I want to change my weight, you know, for whatever health reasons. I have a number of kids that are trying to increase or decrease weight for sports. You know, And just trying to see what kind of messages they're receiving there. But I think at the heart of what you were asking is if there's a child that's saying, I'm trying to not take on these familial habits or tendencies, and that's not something that I've heard.

Kerry:

Okay. Well, I mean maybe that would be more like an adult child. Probably that would bring something like up, right with their coach provider, whatever. So maybe that's not something that comes across in like the younger population. What else can you tell me about? I don't know anything that you'd like to speak about on the family approach.

Wendy:

You know, I think that one of the strongest things about, the family approach that I've had is that it's really, you know, it's How we can create these habits, create the change that it impacts the whole family. So it's not about creating changes for this child and that child and this adult more, more frequently than you would really, really believe. I have families that have children that are on different aspects of the growth curves. So I've got this child that's underweight and this child that's overweight and, you know, Traditional medical approach, you have a very different set of recommendations, you know, and how it's also interesting over time, how we switch from like trying to get kids to, well, you know, kind of chunk up when they're real little, like we celebrate the chunky baby. We're trying to do all these things. And then all of a sudden we're like, Oh, you got to cool your jets. We've got to slow that down. So, parents get different messages, but looking about what are the habits that we want to create? What is the approach that we want to share throughout the entire family? What is it that works for, you know, you as an adult that you want to model for the kids, because, you know, there's a lot of things that's kind of like, well, this is what I do, but I don't want to share that with the kids. I don't want to introduce them to it. You know, I stress eat. But I don't want them to, well, if we first start looking at, okay, well, how about we look at where that's coming from stress eating, what's triggering that understanding more about that. And then it's not about telling the kids what's to do. It's about modeling what it is that you do want to see. And it's with us. So the whole family approach is starting with the parents. I had spoken early on about being the role model for our family and, you know, what it is that we want to see. And so many folks were like, Oh my God, I'm so not a role model, like just not doing, I'm like, okay, but yet. We are constantly modeling. It's not that we have to be a, you know, role model, which we think is some kind of like glorified version of this is what's perfect. No, we're modeling what's real, what's real in our family. We are already doing it. We're already doing it. If we want to see something a little bit different, well, it first kind of starts with us. So those micro changes, what is it that I can try on here? Okay. And I can start modeling how that works for my family.

Kerry:

Yeah, I mean, that's important. The kids are absorbing everything as they're aging and everything. So they're going to copy you, right? It's very

Wendy:

Oh, they're doing it from the wee little ones. You see a little one on an iPad and you know they are modeling us. They are really wicked good at it too. So, just noticing what kind of environment do we want to create for them?

Kerry:

Well is there anything else you'd like to say? I don't want to steal all your time today, and I wanted to ask you, where people can find you, and is there any, like, other advice or words you'd like to share today?

Wendy:

Oh my goodness. I love this. You know, I have so much fun just kind of riffing and connecting. And I think there's so many different aspects that we can take with this. And I would love to connect with your audience, that this is something you want to just have a little bit of a further conversation. You can find me at Wendy Schofer md. com. That's the website. And then of course the family and focus with Wendy Schofer MD, because I'm very creative on my names, but anyway, or the podcast. And I think more than anything, the message is really like, you're not broken, your child's not broken, and we can really kind of slow things down. Like we've been talking about here, slow things down to not try to have this like quick fix, which is a lot of what the diet culture is trying to tell us how we fix our bodies, fix ourselves, somehow make this all better, but understand what it is that we're experiencing. You are not alone. And you want to talk about the number one health risk in our, you know, I hate saying that, but we keep on going around like, Oh, the number one threat and the epidemics and all this. It's not about fear, you know, cause we keep on using that when we talk about weight, fear based approaches, but let's look at, you know, there's really this concern about disconnection when we feel that we're doing something wrong, when we're feeling that shame, we disconnect. And I think that ultimately connecting with what is important to you, connecting with those you love, connecting with your vision, what it is that you want, all of these different aspects of connection and bringing in, like you are a part of the social tribe here. That is so important in healing. And so whether, you know, I I'm happy to be a part of that tribe, but also just recognizing, you know, that whole part about you're not alone, you're not broken, trying to really diffuse, you know, so much of the shame based messaging that we've had for far too long, because that's the unhealthy part.

Kerry:

I totally agree. I think, honestly, that's such good advice. I feel like we should end it on that. But yes, definitely, You're Not Broken is something I, you know, use. in my own practice as well. So it's important that everybody, you know, can move beyond that. So I'm so thankful for what you are doing and thankful for you being on the podcast and I would, you know, highly recommend everybody go check out your podcast, including me. So I'm going to go listen a little more, but yeah, thank you so much for your time today. And you already mentioned where people can find you and we'll put that in the show notes and everything like that. And everybody. Thank you for tuning in and we'll see us next week. Okay.

Wendy:

this has been fabulous. Awesome.

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Dr. Kerry Reller

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